Saturday, October 9, 2010

Gaining a Stepchild Doesn't Mean Losing Yourself

When I started dating my husband, I was working on becoming a writer and he had a 5 year old son.  I had no children and knew I was not ready for children.  I had so much more I wanted to do in life.  I enjoyed my freedom and being responsible only for myself.  I had time to read and write as much as I wanted, when I wanted.  I didn’t plan on marrying this man.  Especially since he had a kid!  But hey, we can’t predict the future and here I am 7 years later a wife and stepmom.  I felt that I purposely guarded myself against having children for a reason and now I am forced to be responsible for and give my time and resources to a child who is not even mine.  What do I do with this situation?  Complain that I never have time for myself anymore?  Complain that the most creative thing I get to write now (besides this blog) is the list of chores on the dry erase board for my son?  Complain that instead of reading Jane Austen and Oscar Wilde, I now have to read field trip slips and all things Dr. Seuss?  No (well maybe a little).  Being a stepmother has definitely taken away some of my freedoms and attention to my own creativity, but I have no choice but to make time for the things that are important to me in life or I will drive myself insane.  Where before I became a mother, I could spontaneously read or write for hours on end.  Well, now I just have to work on my time management skills and plan ahead to fit in brief reading and writing sessions.  I use my stepson as motivation to make time for myself so that I can be a better person for me and for him.  Dealing with a child also forces my mind to work in ways it never had before when all I dealt with where college students and adults.  Children are just full of imagination and creativity and therefore perfect little wells of writing material!

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