Stepmother Account: DENIED!!!

What happens when a stepmother is denied the opportunity to be a mother to her stepchild? What if the child is not open to letting her be his/her mother? What if the biological mother makes it difficult for a bond to form between the stepmother and the child? What if the stepmother is too afraid of rejection to even try? Stepmothering can be difficult for both mothers involved. The real mother may be jealous and spiteful and attempt to sabotage any relationship you may try to have with her child just to make your life hell. Or, she may be genuinely concerned about or afraid of another woman taking care of her child. She may be afraid you will replace her in her child’s life. The best way to handle this is for all the parents and the child (if maturity level permits) to discuss the expectations of everyone’s role in the child’s life and the expectations of the child himself. I, my husband, my stepson’s biological mother, and her two fiancés (not simultaneously, of course) have done this several times to make sure everything goes smoothly. We do this whenever we feel it is appropriate (as our son ages, when a new person is introduced into the relationship, when something feels like it is going wrong with the arrangement). The purpose is to make sure none of the relationships are strained. Denying the stepmother the opportunity to form a loving, trusting relationship with the child will cause resentment, regret, bottled up feelings, to run rampant through both households, which will ruin what could be a very loving and working arrangement for everyone. Stepmothers should also not be afraid to form a bond with the child. An appropriate parent-child relationship can be so rewarding, fulfilling, and exciting. And most likely you will be in this child’s life for a very long time so it is best to start forming the bond early and watch it flourish.